At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
