I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize