goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
