it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
