She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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