I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
