you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
