my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
