In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
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