My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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