those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
