You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize