I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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