I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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