Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
