I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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