I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
