I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You have to summon your inner elephant
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
