just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
