You smell like stripper and shame
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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