I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
