What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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