I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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