i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
