why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
