We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
