If i come over, it means nothing
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Randomize
