My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
As shirtless as possible
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
