I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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