I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
