you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
