He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
