Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
