so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize