My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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