you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
