She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
