??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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