I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
it's like heaven, but drunker
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
