I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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