what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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