Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
