I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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