Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
