Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
