"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
