would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
