Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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