I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
