Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I could make wine with my vomit
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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