And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
