The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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