You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
