Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
