You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
