Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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