At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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