Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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