Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
