Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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