I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
