about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
