ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize