You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Randomize
