Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
