haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
